As the parents of high energy, or sensory seeking children we are often inundated with the responsibility of helping protect and help our child, as well as pleasing the rest of the family or participants of holiday get togethers. Here are some tips to help you and the person hosting the event to prepare.
- Ask the host about the party and what to expect.
Is it a sit down dinner? A buffet? Is it casual and every one walks around with a paper plate? Is there access to a yard or outdoor area? About how many people are coming? Those kinds of questions. When you know what to expect- then you can make a plan, and help prepare your child with what to expect. (See Part 1)
- Make a Plan for some sensory breaks
Now that you know what to expect, you can make a plan. Remember this is a loose, flexible plan meant to help you feel prepared- not stressed about another thing to do. Pack a few small items in a bag or put a few things in your purse. Some ideas would be bubbles, fidgets, squish toys, chalk (for hopscotch or draw a balance beam on the sidewalk). When you ask your child to do a body to check to see how their body is feeling, or if you help them recognize they are being to loud/wiggly/rough etc. for this event you can have an action plan ready to go. Keep it as simple as going outside for a walk, or slipping into the spare bedroom to do deep breathing and yoga poses. In my experience a child is able to regulate much better when they feel safe, and don’t have lots of eyes staring at them.
- Prep the host for what to expect from YOUR family
This step is really important, but also the step that can be the most stressful (at least it is for me). Keep it brief, respectful, but assertive. You are the parent, and you know whats best for your child. The purpose of this step is to tell them what your plan is, what you are going to do- not to ask permission or apologize. If it is easier for you to “get it out” on an email- then do that! Here are some example scripts to help you:
“We are looking forward to our annual thanksgiving family get together! I wanted to talk about what to expect from our family so we are all on the same page. As you know, Johnny really likes to move around a lot, and as a family we are learning how to lead a sensory lifestyle to help him stay regulated during exciting events like family gatherings. Since we are having a formal sit-down dinner, our expectation for Johnny is that he comes to the table to sit down and eat. When he is finished, and ready for a sensory break we are going to quietly go together outside for a few minutes, and then we will return together” Do you have any questions?”
“We are excited about our big get-together next week, just wanted to tell you our families plan for that day. I know we are in a small place, and all of the grandkids and cousins will be there so it is sure to get busy! Our family has been practicing some strategies for when Sally gets overwhelmed or too excited for the overstimulation. She and Dad are going to quietly slip away to the guest bedroom for a few minutes so that she can regulate, and then they will return. If Sally decides that she needs to leave one of the parents will leave early with her. Sally appreciates keeping this discrete. Do you have any questions?”
I hope that these strategies help your family prepare for big gatherings this holiday season. By the way, these suggestions work well for birthday parties, school events, extracurricular activities etc. Give your child and yourself grace as you enter this busy season.
